During the month of June I was emotionally all over the place, facing the decision as to when was my time to head back to my family, my friends, and my city. My original plan was to leave no later than September but the universe didn’t seem to agree and I therefore found myself weighing the options to stay longer.
In an always interesting conversation with my friend Angela, one of the smartest, most inspirational women I know, we were talking about all the common topics- life, guys, work, struggles, reflections, etc. In passing she brought up how, as a society, one of our raw, human needs is to belong. Whether it’s finding the job that fits, connecting with a special someone, passing time with friends, or whether it’s sharing simple interaction after finding out we love the same restaurant, as humans we are consistently, consciously and unconsciously, striving towards this. To find where and with whom we belong and then living, growing, and loving as we do just that.
Well, that conversation struck me. In that, right there, lied all my anxiety about not coming home “on time” as originally planned. In the end, there really was nothing magical about the date. I had a lot of experiences to gain by staying and nothing to lose. My Spanish was finally quickly advancing, prospective clients were regularly calling me, and, then, of course, these crazy stars lined up as the world told me, too, that it wasn’t my time to go. I knew all this, but, still, I was so nervous about accepting it.
However, when Angela said that, I realized that my fears were not real, that they were created by me. I was worried that, just as much as I’ve changed, my home has changed, too. I loved that life so much and, underneath it all, was nervous that, if I stayed longer, that was just that much more time that life there would continue to change and evolve… without me in it. I realized that, when it came down to it, I was afraid of arriving home and not belonging.
Listening to her provided me the clarification of what I was feeling. Then, I could see that I wasn’t afraid because life at home wouldn’t be the same; after all, I’m not the same either. But, I also knew that, while I’m not the same, in all actuality, I really still am – my foundation hasn’t changed at all. I am simply filled with additional experiences, memories, and ideas.
As an evolved person, I can’t wait to come home and pick up with my evolved friends, family, and city. Sure, it will take some catching up, but, in the end, when the pieces to the puzzle are right, changes only bring about a new dimension to friendship, love, and connection.
I am so grateful for Skype, texting, emails, and facebook. Every conversation literally transports me to a place where I feel like I’ve never left. Thank you for your messages and emails that fill me in on what you’ve been up to. Thank you for your constantly supportive comments and for telling me that, while you can’t wait for me to get home, you’re so glad I’m doing what I’m doing.
While this quest for belonging is a lifelong development, it’s so comforting, exciting, and rejuvenating to know that my family, friends, passions, and I are all on the same path.
This insight provided a good lesson that its important to look at our fears and differentiate the creation from the substance… because it is only through openness, honesty, and taking action that we will arrive to wherever it is we want to be.